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Nine Problems with “Noah”

noah-movie-poster-russell-croweI’ve said it before, but it bears repeating, since 3-D has received so many inquiries about our impressions on the film, “Noah”:  just because it has a Biblical name, that doesn’t make it a Biblical movie.  And, as director Darren Aronofsky states, “It’s the least Biblical film ever made”.

That about says it all.

Personally, I haven’t gone to see the film.  Number one, I don’t have a lot of time.  Number two, I don’t get my Bible doses from Hollywood, no matter how well-intentioned.  If you’re going to see the movie because you want to see a great special-effects film, why not?  If you want them to accurately russell-crowe-in-noah-movie-hd-wallpaper3portray the Scriptural account, you’ll be more than a little disappointed.

Here’s my very Cliff Notes version of the story of Noah, in case you haven’t skimmed it recently in the Book of Genesis, the first book of the Bible:  God created humans to Russell Crowe as Noahwalk with Him and interact with Him.  Over the generations, humanity grew more and more wicked, and therefore, separated from a holy God.  The Lord told Noah to build an ark to very exact specs because He would soon destroy all of the wickedness, and only those who put their trust in Him and came aboard the ark would be saved.

It had not rained up until that time.  Earth was watered by an antediluvian vapor.  But after 100 years of indexbuilding, Noah and his family were instructed to board the Ark.  God brought animals to the ark, so that they would not become extinct.  Noah had enough food onboard for both animals and humans as directed by God.

The flood, which came in the form of rain from above, and gushing water from underground, covered the entire earth for 40 days and 40 nights.  It took time for the waters to recede and 75fd85f77bcf1fe2b653156d28939237months later, the ark came to its resting place, the family and animals emerged, they made sacrifice to the Lord and praised Him for protecting them.  God’s rainbow appears and He promises to never again destroy the earth/humanity in such a cataclysmic way. 

End of story.

The movie “Noah” retains a few of these elements, along with the name just in case you would never Noah-2026-HD-screencapsrecognize the story from… the storyline.  Here are the most basic problems with the film if you were wanting to see a movie based on the Scripture:

1.  You’re not sure who’s a good guy and who’s a bad guy.  There are “Watchers” who are fallen angels (otherwise known as demons) who help Noah build the ark.  Um, no.  Then they ascend to heaven.  Double no.

Noah-2024-HD-screencaps2.  A lot of the info is taken from Kabbalah, Jewish mysticism that has nothing (okay, very little) to do with the Bible.  Never mind if Madonna, who is not Jewish, follows it, or that Aronofsky’s earlier film, “Pi”, promoted it.  Even if Noah turns up wearing a little red string bracelet… it’s not in the Scripture.

3.  The serpent in the Garden of Eden, and therefore, his noah-filmlong-leftover skin, are not evil at all.  Lamech tries to bless his son, Noah, by wrapping his arm with the snakeskin.

4.  A bad guy hides out on the ark and is apparently saved from being destroyed.  Really? 

5.  God is truly evil and wants to destroy humanity.  Noah envisions himself drowning and all of the “innocent animals” being saved.

noah-2014-movie-poster7.  Noah’s daughter-in-law tells him that maybe the Creator wanted Noah to decide whether or not humanity lives or dies, which boils down to:  God could care less.  This whole idea of God wanting to save humanity and make the world a better place is entirely lost.

8.  At the end, Noah ends up with the snakeskin around his arm.  A rainbow appears, not to signify God’s covenant with man, but Noah’s oneness with the snake.  Oh, yuck.

9.  Most of all:  God’s voice is missing. 

There were clips of “creation” that equate it with evolutionary, one-celled beings eventually becoming man.  There was a scene of Noah’s son becoming intimate without the benefit of marriage being mentioned.  Noah himself is not depicted as a preacher of righteousness, but instead, as a potential baby-killer, delusional and confused, not knowing God’s will.

If you want to portray the Scripture (which I believe Aronofsky was very upfront and honest about that 140327-140327-ark-in-noah-movie-1507_ef0081593211917681d3878b39722bb8definitely not being his intent), God is the center of it all—the beginning and the end, the first and the last, the source of salvation from water, fire, slavery, you name it.  He speaks and allows us to know His will.

To quote the title of a book from years ago:  God is there, and He is not silent.

The whole message of the Bible is that God loves people and wants to save them, even from themselves.  Not only that, He loves animals, the environment, and Hollywood directors.

There is a Redeemer, and He is not silent.

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2 Comments : Leave a Reply

  1. avatar abby says:

    The people I know who have seen Noah were disappointed. Then there are those who don’t want to admit that they’ve seen it. They report that it’s fairly boring. The producers probably should have called it “A Big Boat Long Ago” if they didn’t want it compared to the Biblical account. I saw a quote by co- director Ari Handel, “It was very important… to not do anything which contradicted the letter of the text.” Lol, they place the average movie goer at the same intellectual level as a slug.

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