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Destinations, Dreams and Dogs - International adventure with a fast-track family (& dogs) of Old World values, adopting the Russian-Italian-American good life on the go…!

Seven Deadly Signs of Middle Age

Are they the menacing signs of middle age, or simply malarkey? Seven deadly signs of middle age. Forget middle age, it could be old age, since there is a sliding scale with not many fixed points these days. I mean, if we’re having first children around the age of 40, do we not hit middle age after 60? If we undertake our first 5K run at 50 and buy a sports car, isn’t it a case of mind over matter?

If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

But who are we kidding here?

In the style of Erma Bombeck or Nora Ephron, I have seen the future and it’s not pretty, lol. But I’m going to be fighting it for all I’m worth.

Why? you ask?

Because I’m not an invisible middle-aged woman with not much to offer, who spends her days watching soaps, gossiping by phone or online, or throwing parties. I believe in a life that’s meaningful and productive, full of purpose and priorities, no matter what one’s age. So here’s my list of seven deadly signs of middle age to watch if they start to creep up on you!

1. Forgetfulness or Lists – It’s a double-edged sword, folks, one or the other. Your choice. I don’t care how many special supplement herbs you take, your mind is going. You forget where you placed your keys, you forget to pick up the party cake, you forget grocery items. My response: use a list. I’d rather walk around with a list in my hands and a smile on my face, than be frazzled and frantic. A couple of days ago, I was in a major airport speeding along, putting my phone in my purse and a sharp (middle-aged!) guy going the opposite way called out to me that I dropped a piece of paper in my wake. “My important list-!” I gasped and showered him with a big smile. “Thank you so much!”  Apparently, lists can help you meet men….

2. Reading Glasses or Contacts – Up to you. Squinting is not the way to go. A man once stopped me on the street, back in the day when there were pay phones (am I dating myself here???) and asked me to dial a number for him. Now maybe he was making a critical call for a ransom demand and needed my fingerprints on that particular pay phone, but I think he said he was calling his daughter and had forgotten his reading glasses at home. It happens. And you can always combine items one and two – reading glasses on the head and forgetting about where you placed them-!  I’m finding a link here — being able to see and attracting men, too.

3. Going to the Movies Alone – That’s a nice, middle-aged thing to do. When you’re younger, you tend to have to bring along a friend or family. As you age, you just say forget it — I want to see this and I’m going. Same with dining out, or whatever you want to do. Life is too short to be put on hold due to others.

4. Body Falling Apart – Nothing wrong with getting a few extra exercise videos as the years and pounds try to pack on…. Problem is, you must remove them from the shipping envelope, or from the shopping bag-! This is the time of life that on your commute to work in rush hour traffic you try do facial rejuvenation exercises that approximate the horrified grimaces or exaggerated smiles of a South Pacific Islander sticking out his tongue in a mating ritual. Other commuters are amused. You don’t care… because you forgot your glasses.

5. Aches and Pains – If you can get out of bed in the morning, it’s a good day-! You never liked complainers, anyway….

6. Laughing If Off – There is a certain “Je ne sais quoi” about a not-so-young woman. She can laugh, she can handle herself, she can be quite attractive in appearance and fascinating in conversation. Older men, eh, some just become grumpy…. Which leads us to….

7. Giving Up – Others might, but you don’t. You continue growing in your career, laterally if necessary. You put yourself out there to meet new people. You keep your mind sharp and your entire persona interesting (do NOT talk about aches and pains or other people). Practice positivity.

Don’t rust out as the years roll by— all may be renovated and come out on the other side better than ever!


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