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Destinations, Dreams and Dogs - International adventure with a fast-track family (& dogs) of Old World values, adopting the Russian-Italian-American good life on the go…!

Shopping for Unmentionables

My oldest daughter needed to graduate from a sports bra to a regular bra.  I had been thinking the same thing when she mentioned it to me, although I’m sure there are those who wear a sports bra for their entire life….

How in the world this really matters if you’re going to walk around all slump-shouldered is another issue, but I want my kids to feel good about themselves, so that’s the bottom line for now.

I measured her at home and felt something was not right when my calculations estimated that she would be something close to a DDD cup.  At almost 14, it was possible, but improbable.  Hmmm…. maybe this explained her hunchbacked stance that made her appear fairly flat-chested-?

Instead, I took the scientific approach, eyeballing the situation and deciding that since she measured 32, and a possible DDD cup, I would settle on 34B.  Made absolute sense to me.  Sort of a compromise size.

On to the store we go, where she sits in the car with the others.  The last thing I wanted was for her to be poking through thousands of bras while I was trying to find one that would actually work for her.  The mere sensory overload would cause us to take hours on a 15-minute project.

Up and down the ladies’ lingerie aisles I walked, and what did I find?  Either sports bras (BTDT), or heavily-padded, push-up, underwire bras (Not Been There, Not Going to Do That).  I pass over the huge granny bras, the psychedelic day-glo bras, and the leopard print with fuchsia lace bras.  I’m grasping at straws.  Finally, my eyes light upon a couple of fairly-normal offerings and I pull out my phone.

“Send in Mashenka,” I say to my special-ops partner, Benedetto.  Two minutes later, he’s walking her in the door, and passing her off to me.

I take her on a tour of the lingerie.  Here’s a young girl that I don’t normally bring on shopping trips.  At all.  It’s to preserve my mental health.  There’s no discussion of this item or that, because she’s not going to end up in low-rise pants paired with a crop top.  She’s had years of training in the wrong direction, and it helps to simply dole out the clothes without her (or any of the kids’ input).  In my own defense, I will ask if they like something, or I’ll return it.  Otherwise, we’re good to go.

“Here we have an underwire bra,” I point out.  “The wiring my be uncomfortable for someone your age and it’s for older ladies who need a bit more lift.”

“Then here,” I continue, “you have padded bras.  These are for ladies who don’t have much up top, but want to appear to be quite big.”  I get her to touch the stuffing, which I’m convinced approximates an armored vehicle, with at least 2-3 inches of massive stuffing.

“Here is a lined bra,” I have her feel the next rack, “which is perfect for wearing with t-shirts and other thin materials.  It’s not super-thin, but it’s not the thick padding, either.”

Naturally, I already have chosen for her three bras in the bottom of my shopping cart, which I show to her.  She’s amenable to trying them on.  We head for the dressing room, while she clutches the bras to her chest, arms folded.  Naturally, there’s a man, an older man, overseeing the dressing room entrance.  It’s obvious that my daughter is not about to show her bras to anyone and she tries to march past him, not knowing the system, nor wishing to learn.

He adroitly sizes up the situation, much like I sized up the bras.

“Go ahead,” he encourages.  “If you would both like to go into the dressing room, take your cart, as well.”

“Thank you,” I mouth in his direction.  “We have a first-time situation here….”

What a kind soul.

Mashenka tries them on under her blouse.  I help her adjust the straps in the back and teach her how to hook the bras near her waist in the front and then slide them around.  Two of the three are near-perfect fits and I acknowlege to myself that Mother Knows Best.  The fact that they were on a sale rack and are registering at half their normal price is simply icing on the cake.

Bagging the bras, the two of us head out into the sunshine of her next phase of life.



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2 Comments : Leave a Reply

  1. avatar hoonew says:

    You just got the gold medal in the Lingerie Shopping Olympics! Congratulations!

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