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Destinations, Dreams and Dogs - International adventure with a fast-track family (& dogs) of Old World values, adopting the Russian-Italian-American good life on the go…!

Suthunuhs!

(With a dacha in the south, a friend sent this to me.  If you need a little chuckle, read on….)

Southerners know their summer weather report:

Humidity

Humidity

Humidity

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Southerners know their vacation spots:

The beach

The rivuh

The crick

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Southerners know everybody’s first name:

Honey

Darlin’

Shugah

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Southerners know the movies that speak to their hearts:

Fried Green Tomatoes

Driving Miss Daisy

Steel Magnolias

Gone With The Wind

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Southerners know their religions:

Bapdiss

Methdiss

Football

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Southerners know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

Chawl’stn

S’vanah

Foat Wuth

N’awlins

Addlanna

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Southerners know their elegant gentlemen:

Men in uniform

Men in tuxedos

Rhett Butler

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Southern girls know their prime real estate:

The Mall

The Country Club

The Beauty Salon

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Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

Having bad hair and nails

Having bad manners

Cooking bad food

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Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them,

you “PITCH” them.

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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”

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Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

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All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!

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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

_____

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.

_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

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A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!

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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.

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In the South, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural.

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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

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Every Southerner knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; that scrambled eggs just ain’t right without Tabasco, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

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When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

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Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

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And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her sweet little heart”… and go your own way.

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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your little heart!

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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff….bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

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Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fah-evah !

There ain’t no magazine named “Northern Living” for good reason. There ain’t nobody interested in livin’ up north, nobody would buy the magazine!

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had a’been! If you’re a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.

 

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9 Comments : Leave a Reply

  1. avatar Winnie says:

    All so true. Now I’m fixin’ to make some sweet tea and pretend I’m back home in Arkansas instead of Wisconsin since the weather is 99 degrees and about 99% humidity – it was even too hot to swim today. Bless your little Yankee/Russian hearts for moving south. However I moved north and I don’t really miss the miserable heat.

    • avatar admin says:

      Yes, we have a foot in all worlds, Winnie! I guess we can’t make up our minds–north, south, Russia, Italy, etc… This week, I think it must be hot ever’where!

  2. My father worked for Delta Queen and was based out of N’awlins for years (which made for great fun the night my mother tried to fill out the long form for the US census when communting by airplane wasn’t an option). The boat captain’s wife was called Miss Robbie and she was a Southern Lady in every sense. I have to content myself with using Y’all in conversation up here in Maine.

    • avatar admin says:

      Wendy, the genteel side of the South is a pleasure, but the straightforwardness of the North is refreshing, too. I guess if you can carry on business in one place, and vacation in the other, that would work!

  3. avatar SLB says:

    Y’all come back now, ya hear! 🙂

  4. avatar SLB says:

    Yes ma’am! 🙂

  5. avatar Mal says:

    I am from Arkansas one of the greatest sttaes in the south.Ya’ll ready. A southern girl is a girl who knows full and well that she can open a door for herself but prefers for the gentleman to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect. After all, every girl wants to be treated like a princess. We know how to make sweet tea and fry chicken while telling you everything about how to rope and ride. We pick our battles and fight with the heart while maintaining grace and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, well mannered southern bell who could direct an army,loves her momma and will always be daddy’s little girl.

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