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Destinations, Dreams and Dogs - International adventure with a fast-track family (& dogs) of Old World values, adopting the Russian-Italian-American good life on the go…!

When Adoption Doesn’t Work

91268-neglect-children-who-are-fast-tracked-for-adoption-suffer-fewer-problems-in-later-lifeSome adoptions don’t work. Just like some marriages don’t work. And often, you get a package, two-for-one deal.

My inbox is full of those who have no one who believes them. The toddler/ teen/ young adult is a terror on wheels, and often one spouse never sees it. The smirks, the backtalk, the violence… always seem to happen when somebody’s back is turned.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Said child can be an absolute angel… as depressed teenagerlong as they’re getting their way. As long as they’re twisting one parent or another around their little finger. As long as they’re putting on the show of a lifetime when that person is around.

But the whole goal is to divide and conquer. The primary target is to turn your life upside-down and inside-out. Only when you are bankrupt, and divorced, and unemployed, and the house is burned down will they be happy.

Try and teach them to think of others. Try to get them to help around the house. Try to instruct them to eat like a human being. Try to have them do schoolwork without them throwing a royal fit. every. single. time. Rather than things getting better with time, instead, they become worse.

child-shadowItems turn up missing or stolen. You check their room and find the items… and then the spouse yells at you. Why were you snooping? With the child smirking over his/her shoulder, and instantly turning into a torrent of tears and suffering as soon as the spouse casts their eye upon them.

Poor baby! Yet, nasty-nasty you.

It would be humorous if it weren’t so sick.

This is how it plays out with adoptees and their wronged parents.  help meEvery adopted child?  No.  Many?  Harder to answer.  These are people I know personally, not stories in the newspaper. I’ll let you figure out which events happened to the child and which events happened to the parent:

1. Flipped out and went on a shooting rampage.

2. Put into foster care due to extreme rebellion and rages.

3. Psychiatric hospitalization.

Teenage Problems, Social Issues and Bullying4. Chased after opposite sex parent in a romantic way.

5. Caused constant strife between husband and wife, resulting in divorce.

6. Hated self and everyone else in their range of fire.

7. Triggered the total breakdown and estrangement of the extended family.

8. Ran away from home.

9. Constant signs of mental illness.Multimedia_familytroubles

10. Made life horrific for all involved.

Unfortunately, these were the cases of adopted children… and the parent sounding the alarm was the one blamed for all of the behavior-! Yes, the one trying to deal with the situation and hold to standards was berated and browbeaten in the majority of cases, while the other parent let anything go.

No holding accountable, no follow-through, no words of wisdom. children-and-technologyJust let them be wild banshees, while the family is torn-up. Eat like pigs, let them wear clothes out of the garbage bin, rarely bathe, never wash their bedding nor do the homework appropriate for grade level, let them hang out with inappropriate “friends” doing inappropriate activities.

For many families, that would describe a good day.

It happens, folks, it happens. Unless you want to be a single parent, or a team-parent, it’s going to cause you great personal harm. The sooner you can coordinate your efforts and stick to the same script, the sooner your adopted child, and your entire life, may settle down.


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