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Destinations, Dreams and Dogs - International adventure with a fast-track family (& dogs) of Old World values, adopting the Russian-Italian-American good life on the go…!

When Girls Act Stupid

hair-twirlingGirls of all ages can act stupid… if their parents let them.  Mine never allowed me to act “cute”.  (Yes, I know, this could explain a lot-!)  Not that I was not attractive, I mean, I was not allowed to use looks, or acting dumb, to get me out of hard work.

Are you following this?

I have two daughters who repeatedly choose to act dumb.  If they were truly stupid, it might be understandable.  (At least I’m hoping it’s an act.)  So it irks me even more.

If Papa asks them a difficult question, Little One will start with “Tee hee…  I dunno, Pa-paaa…” all the while twirling and twisting her hair around her finger, while smiling and batting her eyelashes.

Alright, where’s the barf bag?

Or, she’ll try the many-circuitous-words-that-make-no-sense-to-answer-pre-teen-girlone-simple-question-tactic, liberally interspersing her favorite breathing word (like), such as, “Well, I know that molecular biology has to do with a lot of things, like, because it’s not just molecular, but it’s biology, too.  And when you get into biology, I mean, like, it’s just so, like, huge, because biology is a big study, and that’s what we need to study, and we all hear a lot about biology, because it’s like, well, you know, and then molecular has to do with moles and maybe the animal moles and maybe the moles on your arm or face (is that what they’re called?), so if you combine all of those moles and all of that biology in the whole world, like, wow.  Yeah… that’s it.  Okay, next question,” she says, totally pleased with herself.

sp_bestsoccer_2013_01_11_bd02_sI am not amused.  She rarely does this around just me, but I observe her in multitudinous situations that she would rather use the snow-job technique of obfuscation, rather than answer the question.  Whatever the question is, she loves to hear herself talk.  And talk.  And talk.

I believe in girls taking themselves seriously.  Not that they have to be like me.  I was born serious.  Look at any of my baby pictures, etched on cave walls next to deer and bison figures.  Totally serious face, no matter how many stuffed animals were waved in my face by the man under the draped camera box of a professional portrait studio.  I’d like to think that they didn’t want to waste any color film on such a somber child, however, the true story is that it either was not yet created, nor at the very least not used in the mass market.  Black and white, with shades of gray seemed to do me justice.

As for our Big Daughter, she has her silly moments, but not as pronounced as her sister.  Instead, she doesn’t take tennis_girls_02herself seriously, and in the long run, I wonder if this is not even more serious.  After all, many folks love a Party Girl, but an Unsure-of-Herself Girl?

Not so much.

For instance, all of the kids love tennis, and enjoy watching their oldest brother play tennis.  Big Daughter dreams of one day excelling at sports, and this, I encourage. Unfortunately, she’ll never do anything about it.  It’s all talk.  We buy her decent tennis shoes, and she insists on wearing her flat, Converse-style, purple tennis shoes.  No support.  Looks stupid.  Maybe she fits in with girls five years younger than herself?

I can’t imagine.  It’s not like I’m asking her to wear some little tennis togs and prance around the court.  How about a track suit?  A cap?  Sunscreen? Proper tennis shoes?

No. can. do.  She thinks she looks very American.  I think she looks very Idiotic.

Maybe she just wants to get a rise out of me.  So I try to ignore her clown-like, mismatched appearance and sunburned face, while bringing up melanoma statistics at other opportune times.  If it were me, I would forbid her from going out in public looking ridiculous, or risking her health by not covering up, but her dear father is a much more liberal soul than I and believes that children should not live an overly-repressive life.

teenager-girl-and-dadObviously, he comes from the Mediterranean/Italian-don’t-worry-be-happy mindset, while I hail from the Russian you-must-excel-and-try-your-hardest-in-every-endeavor-even-if-it-kills-you-you’ll-be-a-happy-dead-person outlook.

So the coaches talk about her younger sister having sports aptitude, while they don’t talk about the older one so much.  Because she’s unwilling to change.  She wants to look stupid.  Poor self-esteem to the hundredth power.

I don’t get it.  In other endeavors, when she’s been behind, I’ve spoken with her, explained to her, and she’s either brought up her grades, or whatever.  Yet when it comes to changing HERSELF, she can’t.  She can’t receive advice on any of a hundred matters, so I let the issues drop, rather than appear as a nagging mother.

And then we end up with no nagging mother, but a stupid-looking daughter.  And her stupid-sounding younger sister.

Do you think they’re really this dumb?  Is it cool to be stupid?  Or are they simply trying to push my buttons, and push me over the edge?

 

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10 Comments : Leave a Reply

  1. avatar Winnie says:

    Well I know you limit TV, but honestly have you actually watched those silly teen shows? They make it cool to be stupid. To turn them on in our house you must have nuclear launch codes for the TV. I can see a huge change in my eldest boy when he’s had a big dose of those dumb shows. Society glorifies the dumb girl. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Jessica Simpson while all probably have some fair amount of smarts under their heavy make-up and well done hair, hide them well while in the public eye and get praise for it.
    As for talking around questions maybe little daughter will be a politician someday. Talk and Talk and Talk without ever answering the question. You saw the last presidential debates, that’s all they did, she’s in good company.

  2. avatar Shelley says:

    It’s true about the stupid teen TV programs. Keep her around positive role models and she will tire of it. Everyone grows up eventually, right?

    • avatar admin says:

      Sounds reasonable, Shelley, sounds reasonable. We don’t watch those (mostly-Disney!) shows, that’s for sure. Check back with me in 20 years and see if she’s pulled out of it, hah! I think they’re trying to make me EAT-!!! These issues may be connected….

  3. avatar Cubby says:

    There is something fun and charming about a ditzy teen girl that adults just have to giggle at. I know you want all the best of the best for the girls, but sometimes you just have to let them be who they are or you are beating yourself up over it all the time. I know it is hard.

  4. avatar Cubby says:

    To a certain extent I am sure. Of course you have to offer them all the basics you know and hope that when they are out in the world on their own, they use what you have tried your best to give them. Have I seen it happen….yes.

  5. avatar hoonew says:

    I was just thinking about this post, because I realized we have the same situation in our house- only it’s a boy. He is 6, and- unusually attractive. I mean, my bio kids are very cute, don’t get me wrong, but- even the Russian judge remarked about this one. I get irritated with all the adults in our son’s life who tell him to his face that he’s “so cute.” Notably, it’s all people without children. Family, teachers, friends- he gets it all the time. While we, his parents, delight in his attractiveness, we have never told him he was “cute.”

    I see our son smile and act coy, just like girls will do, when being confronted about some chore he hasn’t done, or other lapse in responsibility. He thinks being cute will give him a pass. Drives me crazy.

    I can only keep on pushing him to be responsible over the years. He has a lot going for him, but has severe insecurities, despite being adopted at a much younger age than your girls. If you come to any other conclusions or solutions down the road, please share them!

    • avatar admin says:

      I hear you, hoonew! Personally, I always try to compliment young people (or anyone) on what they’ve accomplished– how they style their hair, how they put together a look, how they get good grades, as opposed to being cute, or smart, or talented. Some days, the meanie-me wants to send them all to something outside their comfort zone, whether a survival camp (actually, all but our oldest daughter would love it, lol), or anything else that makes them stretch.

      But these adults, often who I think might feel sorry for our children’s pasts, want to fawn over them, or award them supernatural powers…. But I keep in mind that they all mean well, and simply take it like that….

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