Why Do Adopted Kids Turn Out Bad?
Whenever a new horror film is released, an anti-social, demon-possessed adoptee often figures prominently in a feature role. Is this fair? Is this accurate? Does this demonstrate many adoptive families’ experiences?
Yes and no. Your mileage may vary.
We can say that there is just as much likelihood of a biological child going astray as with an adopted child, but statistically, that’s not the case. Think about it: kids who are offered for adoption usually have been through trauma, neglect or deprivation.
That doesn’t do good things to the brain. Nor to the emotions. So automatically, you’re going to have children growing into adolescence and adulthood who are not as well equipped to deal with the vagaries and vicissitudes of life. This might lead to emotional reactions and behaviors which are not mainstream or ideal.
Adoptive parents understand “the luck of the draw”. I generally don’t speak in those terms, and yet, it’s probably the most apt way to describe the fact that, depending on which specific child you bring home, some of the children settle into a loving family-based lifestyle, while others tend to run away and be involved in drugs, alcohol, sex, violence and crime.
It’s not the same as with a bio-child. Genetic factors could be at play. It’s not always the adoptive parents’ fault. Usually, it’s not. However, in the vast majority of the cases, adoptive parents need to learn new skills which have nothing to do with parenting, biological-style.
They must practice hyper-vigilance and watch the child 24/7, if not 25/8. They need to cut back on big events such as family reunions or trips to amusement parks which could prove to be over-stimulating. Parents should rarely spend time away from the child for the first year or so, and then, only in small increments. Gifts need to come mostly from the mother and father, rather than outsiders. Schooling, if at all possible, should be done at home to intensify the bonding time and experience in the initial year or two. Or more.
These are the kinds of things that will give you a fighting chance for normalcy.
Sometimes. Tomorrow I will discuss the different types of children who may be placed in your home through adoption, hopefully to encourage you and help you to know which issues may be helped through intervention.