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Destinations, Dreams and Dogs - International adventure with a fast-track family (& dogs) of Old World values, adopting the Russian-Italian-American good life on the go…!

Will You Lie For Me?

I seem to have a problem. All of my friends are honest. It’s getting me nowhere in my mountain of paperwork required for Russian adoption.

I need liars, and I need them now. I need professionals who will vouch for this or that, and not bat an eye. Pohnyal?

Whether doctors or realtors, psychiatrists or social workers, each one must make bold statements as to our fitness to parent or to provide for our children. They can never be 100% sure of that to which they are testifying, in many ways it’s a professional leap of faith, or career suicide, depending on your point of view. We try to convince them that these ridiculous reports are needed by a Russian court of law, that they will never see the light of day outside these proceedings. But they have a professional code of honor to uphold, and uphold it they do, while holding up all of our paperwork for months on end.

After stringing us along for the last four weeks, a Certified Public Accountant just bailed. He had all of our facts and figures, and we look pretty good on paper. (We also look good in person, but that and five dollars will barely get us a cup of coffee.)

“No problem,” the CPA told us. Then he dropped out of sight. This has been happening with some regularity as of late. I almost think that they are going into a Russian adoption witness protection plan. But Benedetto has oh, shall we say, “family connections”, and they can locate people who disappear. We find Mr. CPA, hiding under his desk with an abacus.

“No can do,” he sends an e-mail to our mutual friend, refusing to face us.

What’s changed?

Who knows.

Maybe I should check with the new US administration. They have tax evaders and million dollar bonus bingers and employers of illegal aliens among them. Never dawned on them that any of this was wrong. Surely I could turn up someone who would have no trouble lying for us on a document here or there.

Or any adoption agency. They fib and tell tall tales each time a new check is due. Masters at conning and conniving (and believe me, I can give examples too numerous to count on toes and fingers), why don’t they just do the dirty work, themselves?

See, my biggest problem is, I don’t lie. Therefore, I’m at a loss to find professionals who lie. So I make a few phone calls to friends of friends, acquiescent acquaintances, they could be termed.

“Hello, I am adopting from Russia. Will you lie for me?”

Click.

There must be something in my approach.

Actually, we don’t need them to lie. Russia needs them to lie. For some reason, it makes them feel better if their children fall into the hands of those who stretch the truth.

They have asked us to produce a CPA statement that verifies that our current assets exactly match those that we had almost one year ago when our Homestudy was written. For that, we provided our listing of stocks, bonds, investments, bank accounts, and available unmarried daughters with dowries (zero at the time, but we were happy to comply). Now that the Homestudy Dossier has been submitted to Russia prior to our first referral trip, and we are preparing for our second court trip, no amounts may be changed. Need I remind my reading public that the economy has tanked in the past twelve months?

But there it is, in bold black and red ink on our instructions: IF YOU CURRENTLY HAVE MORE OR LESS MONEY THAN IS STATED IN YOUR HOMESTUDY, ALL AMOUNTS MUST CORRESPOND EXACTLY TO THE PREVIOUS AMOUNTS LISTED!!! That includes salaries, bank accounts, investments, along with the value of your house. And we all know that real estate has not fluctuated in the past year.

Impossible to produce this kind of a document. Absolutely impossible. Yet, without such a financial statement, we will never be granted a court date.

And hence, the need for a liar. Someone to fudge, to approximate, to state the obvious without stating it at all. Actually, I’m good at vague doublespeak, myself, because I tend to like people.

“My, a new hairdo!”  “What a happy color for a dress!”  “Your child has the most expressive face!”

I encourage acquaintances at times without saying anything of particular substance. But lying is a whole ‘nother league, a slippery slide into becoming a person of which my family would not be proud, and I would loathe my own children becoming.

It’s not that I’m opposed to lying under certain circumstances. When it comes to the preservation of life, lying may be helpful. During the Nazi era, I’m not sure that any “good” person would answer sweetly to the Gestapo, “Why yes, sir, as a matter of fact, I have a whole attic full of Jews in hiding.”

The preservation of my own life is a different matter, lying to save my own skin. That’s lying outside limits, beyond the pale, downright cowardly in my book. But lying to save others, without any hope of their own.

Right now, I’m most concerned with two Russian girls who will one day age out of the system. Statistically, they will most likely end up dead on the street, or working the street as prostitutes, apart from adoption. We need to save them, and we need to do it now.

Will you lie for me?

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